Forget About It!

I've decided that I actually DON'T care about all this Daniel stuff. It's not worth it. I barely have time to write or read as it is, so why waste my time fretting over some boy who I'm pretty sure doesn't like me? My pride is much too much for that.

So instead of asking him on Tuesday like I'd been planning to as of last night, I'm just going to go along my merry way. If, somehow, he comes up to me and confesses attraction to me,  I'll deal with it then. Otherwise, unless something MAJOR happens or he aggravates me, I'll continue being me and not caring.

Although, maybe I'll just kiss him randomly for amusement. It'd be hilarious, that's for sure. At least, I would find it hilarious. Not a very good idea, probably, but so amusing that it's ALMOST worth it. If he sits super close to me again, it's happening. I'll warn him, first, telling him that if he doesn't BACK OFF I'm going to kiss him. As he's a boy and stupid/desperate, he won't believe me (probably, although he might because he has known me long enough to know that I do what I say I'll do), and then... BAM.

It'll be quite raucous that night, I'm sure.

Anyway.

In other news, I have no other news. All I do is work, eat, sleep, and attend class.

Oh!

I DID just email the counsellor at TCC to find out if they can switch my major without my being in the office. Here's hoping. I'm lazy.

And, that's it. I just wanted to let y'all know my decision. Ta ta for now, darlings.

UPDATED: Sigh.

Remember that confusion and such I told y'all about in my last blog post? (And yes, you ARE getting two posts in one week, you lucky ducks!) IT'S ONLY GOTTEN WORSE.

Oh, you'd like details, would you? You nosy little buggers. Okay. Well.

Last night, I went to Patrick's house straight from work. This meant that I was in a spandex mini-skirt (it's much less hooker/strippery than it sounds, I swear. It's not that mini) and a tight, red tank top (once again, it sounds so much worse typed out... of course, at work, I have an over-shirt that has the company's logo, so I simply removed that). As the skirt had generated a lot of comments at work, I figured it probably would at Dungeons and Dragons as well.

But we'll get to that later. We're going in chronological order here, guys.

So Patrick and I vlogged, and Daniel arrived shortly thereafter. He said nothing about the skirt, thank goodness. We all went to dinner, and sat at the biggest table (it was a Tuesday night, they were dead. So we weren't being rude). Daniel barely ate, but Patrick and I showed off our impressive ability to eat enough for a small army.

When we got back to the apartment, we still had time before the rest of the group arrived. We played Rock Band. Before we started, while Patrick was in the bathroom, I was readjusting my bobby pins because they had gotten loose. Daniel looked at me and said, "What are you doing?" I told him, and he said, "Well, I think you should just leave them out."

Of course, I gave him an incredulous look because my hair is unruly and bobby pins keep it from turning into a giant mass of tangles and curls. So, sensibly, I asked, "Why?"

He got all flustered and ended up basically saying that he liked the way my hair fell when it was loose.

Now, I don't know about y'all, but that seems to me like a bit of an admission to attraction. Unless I've ASKED the guy for his opinion, I've never had one that wasn't interested in me tell me what he thought about my hair.

But let's move on, shall we?

So Kevin and Sam arrive, but we were still waiting on Brandon. We put up Rock Band, and I sat on one end of the couch. Kevin sat on the other end. For a while, Daniel just sort of stood, glancing at the spot left on the couch, as if debating. Then, he took the plunge, and sat down between us. And when I say that, I mean that he sat almost on top of me, like, I had to lean away so that we weren't touching.

When he first sat down, he put his arms around both Kevin and me, not touching, but still. I, being the person that I am, looked at him with all WTF I possess. Though he removed his arm, he did not move away from me. For about ten minutes, I leaned away because I'm not a big fan of being that close to someone when there's no... you know... gratification from it. (Although I mean that in a friendly way, not even necessarily a sexual way.) But then I gave up, because maybe he would realize how damn close he sat if I didn't try to make it less awkward.

It didn't work. It wasn't until Patrick pointed it out that Daniel moved over.

Then Brandon arrived, and we started playing. It was fun, and I got to hit things with my sword. My skirt came up in conversation a few times, but nothing too bad was said. Daniel seemed surprised that I would wear a skirt to work. It's really not that uncommon, I don't think.

So at the end of the night, as I said goodbye to everyone, Daniel made a comment about me leaving. As he'd been snide all night, I of course challenged him, and he accepted. I marched over and shoved him, not hard, because he's more breakable than a glass vase. He said we should chest bump (I'm not sure why, but, you know, boys). We did, and it's sad because my chest only reached the top bit of his stomach.

He (sorta?) walked me to the door. It was more to make a point from the game than anything else, but it was still a little weird.

So yeah. I'm definitely confused. BUT I REFUSE TO WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. Worrying produces wrinkles, you know.

UPDATE: I forgot two things this morning, mostly because I had to type this up before work and I had to leave and I was all "DON'T CARE NEED MONEY", so... yeah.

In relation to my skirt (which one coworker said "[I] wear the hell out of"), Daniel, near the end of the night, exclaimed, "There's a zipper on your butt!" Being as sarcastic as I am, I said, "Duh, it's spandex. How did you think I got it on?" As he's a boy, he assumed I just pulled it on - and that's true with other skirts, but not with spandex! It would get bunched up.

Furthermore, during dinner at Red Robin, Daniel tried to convince Patrick to get this super expensive camera - as in it starts at $25,000. Patrick said that he'd only spend that much money on a camera that mainly Daniel would use if Daniel stripped naked and posed (Patrick is gay, obviously, in case I hadn't told y'all before). Excited that it would be that easy to get what he wanted, Daniel turned to me and asked, "What could I get from you if I posed naked?" Because I have no desire to see him naked (or at least not enough to actually make it worth mentioning), I said, "Nothing."

I'm such a killjoy. :)

I Tried to Post This Sooner, I Swear

It's Thanksgiving today, and I've finally found time to blog. I'm soooooo sorry for neglecting y'all!

Haha, that was the opening I started on Thanksgiving, but then my parents needed me to go to the grocery store and buy gravy. It was something about the previous gravy being burned, or whatever. I don't know. I don't cook. When I got back from the store, the family was here and I had to get ready for work and I didn't have time to come back to this, because I got like no sleep from then until now.

BUT I'M BACK NOW, SO BE HAPPY.

Life is... interesting. Those of you who are subscribed to me on YouTube (which I've also been neglecting) know that I've started playing Dungeons and Dragons on Tuesday nights. Guess who with?

Wrong. Not a unicorn. That would be much cooler.

I'm playing with Patrick and Daniel. Yes, THAT Daniel. Is this a good idea? I've no idea yet. We get along just fine, because I'm the type of person who only gets tetchy if the other person does. Of course, I was a bit worried about awkwardness, but considering that I'm stuck in a permanent awkward state, this wouldn't be too surprising or anything I couldn't handle.

However...

A few things bother me. Daniel has a tendency to say things that confuse me. In that he says things that hint at being attracted to me on some level, when he said he's not. Things along the lines that he wishes all girls were like me. NEWS FLASH, if all girls were like me, HE WOULDN'T LIKE THEM. But I digress.

He also checks me out on occasion, which isn't all THAT surprising because no matter his opinion on my personality, there's no denying that I am physically attractive. Still, though. You'd think he'd be a bit more discreet about it.

I invited my friend Brandon to join us for Dungeons and Dragons, because he's always wanted to play and asked if he could come. After asking our dungeon master for permission, I brought him along. Daniel's response (not while Brandon was there, thank goodness) was to ask me if I were going to bring everyone who asked to join us. While he seemed to be kidding, he DID act standoffish with Brandon most of the night.

When I talked to Brandon afterward, Brandon said that Daniel FOR SURE liked me. That all of his expressions and attitudes and stupid things he did to get my attention were definite signs. Of course, I laughed at this theory, but it percolated in my brain for a while and I got a little paranoid.

What if he DID like me? What would I do? Because I wasn't sure of my own feelings (I didn't think I liked him, although I still found him physically attractive - those teeth, man, they do something to me), I had to talk to Krystal.

She's of the opinion that he DOES like me, that he always DID like me, and never STOPPED liking me. She thinks he's just too stupid and proud to say or do anything about it.

Now, of course, I've spoken with Patrick about it. He disagrees with Krystal and Brandon's assessment, and thinks that Daniel just doesn't realize what he's doing. I think this likely, and hope it to be the case. More than likely, we'll never know. I don't plan on asking him (because that would make it look like I'm interested in him again, and I'm NOT, I'm NOT), and he's not the type to say anything about it.

Anyway. I've been fretting over this, wondering what I'm feeling and hoping that it's all just in my head so that I can just ignore it and focus more on, you know, writing and reading and singing and all the other things I actually enjoy.

So, I'm sure you're wondering what I'm feeling, and I'll try to sum it up for you.

I'm confused. I do not like Daniel again, mostly because I don't trust him or what anyone claims to know about him. I do still find him physically attractive, and would not mind his mouth on mine (or his teeth on my skin, but that's probably not normal and I'll pretend I didn't say that), but that is the extent of any romantic feeling toward him. If it turned out that he does like me (and actually, you know, says it to me), I'd probably go into shock, or cry, and tell him that it wouldn't work out and he should just leave me alone.

Overall, I just really wish that this could all go away. I don't like worrying that I might start liking him again. I don't like worrying that I might not start liking him again if he does like me, and I'll end up hurting him. I hate, HATE hurting guys when they like me. It rips me to shreds inside.

Oh, I almost forgot. Daniel commented on a couple of my statuses on Facebook. One of which was a status about how my daddy, grandpa, and uncle set the bar too high for any boy to really win my affection. (Note, when I say affection, I mean in a way more than simply liking a guy and wanting to date him.) He first said "Damn." Then, immediately after, "Oh, wait." I have no clue what this means, if he was talking about my status, about the comment above his, and what it would mean in relation to either one.

Apparently, this upset Josh. (Patrick told me this the other day, while we were at Waffle House at like 2 in the morning.) Well, not upset him, but irritated him. WHY, I have NO FREAKING CLUE. Patrick didn't explain it particularly well, saying something about it being because it was DANIEL, not because it was ME, and I don't know what that means, so I just rolled my eyes and gave a skeptical laugh.

Anyway. That's just stuff I've been dealing with. I'm sure all the worrying has added to my lack of writing during this NaNo season (which I've extended into December, ask me if I care). Hopefully it'll all leave me alone soon, so that I can get back to only experiencing stress during The Walking Dead and Haven.

Let's Talk Politics

First things first: I do not support either President Obama or Mitt Romney. My leanings are more Democratic than anything else, but I consider myself an independent.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business. Here in America, the election is on Tuesday. The day after my birthday, in fact. Both candidates for the presidency are pouring all of their efforts into getting swing voters (such as myself) to pick them. Unfortunately, if the others are like me, they're not going to convince anyone of anything.

You see, I'm not voting for either candidate. I suppose if I were held at gunpoint and told to pick one, I would pick President Obama. But as that isn't the case, I'm doing a write-in.

Why am I not just voting for the current president? Because I do not think he has done a swell job running the country. This does not mean that I think he was completely incompetent, like so many do; it means that I think he made mistakes, and I'd prefer he not make them again. He is not capable of getting us out of debt, but neither is Romney.

Why am I not voting for Mitt Romney? For a myriad more reasons than why I'm not voting for President Obama. My liberal leanings make me hesitant to vote Republican, and I'll tell you the two major reasons why.

1) Gay marriage. Do I think homosexual marriage is okay? No. BEFORE you hate on me, let me elaborate. Marriage, as it has been defined by the American people, is a Christian institution. Christians (I'm talking about the general term, I know that there are several denominations with varying beliefs about this topic) believe that marriage is between one man and one woman.

IF America did not define marriage as such, I would not have a problem with gay marriage. As such, however, I do believe that they should be allowed to be joined in a legally binding union that works the same as marriage, but isn't called the same term. We are a country based on religious freedom, and if we force Christianity to do this, it goes against everything America was based upon.

Now, if a particular leader of the clergy within a church wants to perform a marriage ceremony for a homosexual couple, that's fine. He's within his own beliefs. But we cannot make others do the same. It's not a matter of simple words. It's a matter of Heaven and Hell. If someone believes that they will go to Hell for performing such a ceremony, then you have absolutely no right to make them do it anyway.

2) Abortion. Do I think abortion is okay? No. Noticing a theme here? According to my beliefs, I do not approve of killing another person, no matter their cell count. However, it is stupid to think that outlawing abortion is a good idea.

People will still get them. If someone does not want that baby, they will find a way to get rid of it. They will either get one done illegally (which can result in being barren, infection, and even death) or find another way to abort the fetus. Have you seen Law and Order: SVU? There's an episode where a girl gets her boyfriend to beat her with a lamp until the baby dies. That may sound over-dramatic and brutal, but I do not think it outside the realm of possibility.

Furthermore, in cases of rape and incest, I cannot say that I think abortion is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Unless you have been in that situation and felt that particular psychosis, you have no right to tell them that they are going to Hell or are murderers. If you can, then I'm sorry that you are incapable of compassion.

When it comes to cases where it's women who decided to have sex before they were ready to have children, I absolutely think they should not have abortions. If you think you are mature enough to have sex, then you must think you are mature enough to take care of a child. There are no excuses to be made here.

I do have an issue with tax money paying for abortions. Unless it is in the case of rape or incest, I think that the woman wishing to abort her baby should pay for it.

So there you have it. My current political views. I am not the person watching every debate, reading every news article. I only know the difference between a Democrat and a Republican because of AP Government, which I took over two years ago. I will never claim to know the details, but I do know the big picture. And it isn't very pretty for either side.