You know how you get these strange, amazing ideas that if you actually followed through with them you would make millions (probably billions in my case, but I'm not judging your *inferior* ideas)? My best friend/soul twin and I have quite a few. Some people (*cough* Mother, this means you) call us crazy. But honestly, these ideas are golden. You're going to want to steal them, but you can't because we came up with them first and now we have proof right here with this blog.
Idea Number One: an old folks' home! You're probably thinking, "But that's been done before!" And you're right. There are tons, possibly even dozens of retirement homes where people who have rotting organs can go. But none are like the Extreme Life Retirement Home.
You see, there are two separate parts to this home for the elderly. The first is normal - nurses, pre-chewed food, etc. The other is EXTREME! They have to build their own shelter, hunt down their own food, and live off the land. I'm sure you're wondering about these EXTREME old people's medicine. But no worries! They have to hunt down specific deer with special tags, and the medicine waits safely tucked inside the creature. It's ingenious, really. Costs are cut, and we're helping to keep them fit!
Idea Number Two (and perhaps the best): Stepping for Jesus. We shall start an exercise program for the devout. No more shall the old Baptist ladies in the Bible Belt be morbidly obese like in that episode of Wife Swap! And for those of other religions there will be similar videos including, but not limited to: Stepping for Muhammad, Stepping for Buddha, and Stepping for Lucifer. All of this shall be under the Stepping for Religion Enterprises.
Obviously Krystal and I will be gajillionaires by the time we're thirty. After all, we all know that there will always be horrible relatives willing to make poor, paraplegic Grandma hunt for her own dinner. And no one can deny that those people who claim to be "God warriors" or something similar will adore the idea of getting fit for their deity. What god wants a calorically challenged follower anyway? Not a god that wants to win a Religion War.
I'm sure we have more ideas that are just as good, if not better. At the moment, however, I cannot recall any others. No worries, though. As soon as I remember, or come up with more, there will be a part two.
Can't see that hunting-deer-for-meds thing working out for you--unless the deer are elderly too?
ReplyDelete...and I think you'd need an eyesight test before you were allowed to do that. And possibly walker/wheelchair-accessible routes.
So, um, don't hold your breath on that one.
The deer are going to be either elderly or fawns. And if the old people are going to complain about the facilities and how it's impossible to survive, then they just don't have the "can-do" attitude needed to live. They'll just be the first victims of the zombie apocolypse anyway.
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