Monday, February 6, 2012

Zombies! Why Yes, I AM Talking About This.

The zombie apocalypse has been a topic of discussion for a few years now, and after spending all that time coming up with strategies with several different parties, I've come up with a perfect defense.

After escaping the zombie hord with the aid of a few choice companions (a misanthropist with far too many weapons to be considered safe, an apathetic man with a plethora of weapons as well and the fierce desire to defend me, the first one's girl, and possibly a few others if they happen to be around at the time), I'd ride in our Jeep (it's actually the misanthropist's, and bright yellow in colour. I've nicknamed it "The Armored Canary") to a few requisite supply stores. Hopefully they won't be too cleaned out. We'd load up on non-perishable food items, weaponry, camping gear, etc. Then I'd ask to be dropped off in Brazil, and of course they'd be welcome to join me.

Why Brazil, you ask?

Because of the Amazon Rainforest, of course.

The Amazon Rainforest is easily the best place to go for protection from the zombies. After all, if you're living in a tree, the zombies can't get to you. They can't climb. Getting through the river will prove a bit of a challenge for them, because a lot of the fishies enjoy rotting flesh as a main course. And then there are all those lovely decomposers in the forest that just adore getting more nutrients.

Then there's the fact that there are so many natural resources. You'll have plenty of food (if you know what's edible, which I will, what with my degree in wildlife biology), plenty of firewood, and plenty of water.

Other people (besides the indigenous peoples, of course) won't bother you there. It'd be too difficult to navigate if you don't know your way, cutting down all the trees isn't possible or even smart, and they probably won't even think to look for anyone there anyway. This saves you from raids, which rambling groups of survivors will surely be participating in.

So while I'm in the rainforest, I will keep tabs on the outside world by traveling once a month to the edges so that I can see how things are progressing. Without a food source, the zombies will begin either to decompose completely or to eat themselves. I figure that after about ten to fifteen years, once those who've survived are quarenteened and the zombies die off, I'll be able to emerge. If I want to, that is.

This is also my plan for the impending robot take-over. Or aliens. It's a good plan because it's so flexible.