Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sex: What is the DEAL?

Let's talk about sex.

Now, I don't know a whole lot about this topic. As a virgin, I can't really speak to whether or not it's a good time (although I'm 99% certain that after the first excrutiating time when your hymen breaks that it's a hoot and a half). People seem to like it, that's for sure. I enjoy some of the other things involved in sex that aren't the actual act.

But there are some things that confuse me. Maybe some of my more worldly readers can help me out.

Why are penises so unattractive? Like, seriously. They're not worth looking at. In fact, they're slightly disturbing. I mean, let's put aside my intense hatred of sperm for a minute and talk about the actual apparatus. The ones I've seen sorta look like weird mushrooms.

Why on EARTH do men think that I want to put my mouth on their dicks? They pee AND ejaculate from there. At least women have separate holes for that. Here we cannot put aside my hatred of semen, because that's 60% of the reason I'm not interested in giving head. Semen is nasty, people. It has a tail and it swims and  it can live inside you for HOURS upon HOURS. I don't want that swimming about inside MY larnyx, thanks.

On the same note, when a guy says, "So what, you'll receive but won't give?" I get a little miffed. I don't ASK them to do anything like that for me. Personally, I wouldn't put my mouth near a vagina if you paid me. Women pee, bleed, and cum all in the same general area. Uh-uh, no thank you. If a guy wants to do that, that's HIS business, not mine. Just because HE'S willing to find out if the girl is clean down there doesn't mean I have to be willing to find out if HE is.

Why do guys want girls to shave all the hair off from down there? I'm sorry, doing that makes me feel like I'm 9 sexually, and I don't see how a guy can justify wanting to do naughty things to a girl who looks like she's 9 down under. It's just creepy. Besides, keeping it shaved seems like a hell of a lot of work, and I already have enough things to shave, thanks. I mean, I usually keep things trim, as it IS bathing suit season now, but apparently that's not enough. Well boo-hoo for them, because there's no way in Hades that I'm looking like a pre-pubescent girl for a guy.

That one is pretty much my biggest issue. My first (and thus far ONLY boyfriend) didn't have a problem with me keeping things natural. But lately a couple of the guys I've talked to (including the one I fooled around with) have been saying that shaving is preferred. They shave theirs, so I should shave mine.

Which is like the oral thing. Just because YOU make a decision doesn't mean I have to. Maybe I'm just naive; maybe they're right, and shaving down under entirely is the socially acceptable thing to do. What's the verdict, readers?

Now, I've been called crazy for not having sex. That doesn't really bother me. It's my decision. I don't have a problem with other people who have sex all the time; that's their decision. But why do those people have to think I'm a freak or weird? I'm sorry that I don't want to get preggers. And don't say that birth control and condoms work; I'm proof they don't always. I have too many things to get done in life before I have kids, and I don't want to end up pregnant before I'm ready. Why is that so difficult for others to understand?

Specifically, I want to wait until I'm married before I have sex. It's not a moral thing. I could care less about the morals of it. If those were what held me back, I'd have had sex a year ago with Jackson, that boyfriend I mentioned. I just don't want to end up like my mother, pregnant, alone, and wondering where the man she thought she loved had gone. That's not to say that I think every guy I'd have sex with would do that. In fact, of the ones asking for it now, I'm about 90% sure they would stick around if I DID end up preggers. It's just... I can't risk it. Besides, if I got pregnant, I couldn't become a wildlife biologist. I'd have to either become a full-time writer or find some other job.

As much as I'd love to write all day every day, I'd rather be out in the rainforest studying jaguars.

So. What are y'all thinking, either about the questions and issues I brought up, or about something I haven't mentioned?