Monday, March 19, 2012

Why I Can't be Alone on Sunday Nights

I'm suddenly getting more pageviews than ever, which makes me ridiculously happy. People are reading! And rereading! And checking for new content!

But that's not the point of this post.

The point is... I should never be allowed to watch The Walking Dead alone, at night, without a weapon of some kind.

Last night was the season finale, and if you haven't seen it yet, 1) you're dumb, 2) you should, and 3) don't read the rest of this post until I say so. Which you won't know when I do because you won't be reading. Right? Right.

So, the zombies found the farm last night. And within the first minute, I had my war hammer (aka the escape hammer my grandparents got me for Christmas that's supposed to be in my car for protection from death) clutched to my chest along with Demon, my black dog stuffie. I also yelled at the television a lot, mostly because Carl is stupid and Rick likes to get sentimental at all the wrong times.

Anyway. The episode was amazing, and disagree if you like. You're wrong if you do. Zombies got smashed, humans got eaten, and characters that I didn't really know/care about died. Now, only the people I actually know the names of are alive, which is useful for talking to people next season.

My two favourite characters (Daryl and Andrea) are still alive, although Andrea nearly died at the end there. From talking to friends who read the comics, the totally badass chick with the cloak and zombie pets is named Michonne. Now that's who I'd want to be in the real zombie apocalypse, but I know that I'm definitely more of an Andrea. (Although why she ran through the forest and didn't think to climb a sturdy tree is beyond me. Even a horde of zombies can't knock a firmly rooted tree down, so she'd have been fine. But hey, she got to meet Michonne.)

Now, as to the reason I freaked out so badly: the show is far too realistic. Scary things don't usually frighten me. When I watch a scary movie, I laugh. The plot is usually far too ridiculous and implausible for me to be frightened, because whatever is happening just isn't possible. It's the same with horror novels. To frighten me, everything has to be as close to real as possible. And these zombies ARE.

The way they come into existence, the way they act, the way the people react... all of it fits into reality so seamlessly that if I'm not talking to someone while I'm watching the show, I start thinking that the apocalypse has happened and I'm going to have to get the fuck out of my house before I die. Others who watch and are into it understand. Those who don't think the rest of us are crazy.

I'm not crazy. I just like to be prepared. This is why I'm about to invest in learning how to shoot. And sword lessons, so I can use a katana. My war hammer will be a last resort, but by-golly I will have it! Oh, and I'm going to teach Mercutio (once I get him, of course) how to bite through skulls. His attack command will be "jaga". It's the word for "guard" in the Beka Cooper series for the scent hound, Achoo. Try to get at me now, zombies.