Friday, May 3, 2013

And Back to the Not Good News

Because apparently I can't have a life that doesn't want to destroy my euphoria.

First, though, let's talk some more good news: I won tickets to see one of my new favourite bands next week! That's definitely most exciting, as I never win anything, but I did this time and it was STELLAR. I did curse on live radio though, but who cares I won.

In case you're just dying with curiosity, the band is the X Ambassadors.

Anyway. To the not good news!

I went to the Iron Man 3 premier last night. That in itself wasn't bad. It was an excellent movie and SPOILER ALERT Robert Downey Jr. was just as hot as usual.

The bad part: Daniel was there, as Patrick had invited him and Olivia before he knew that I would be in attendance as well. So yeah. Not just Daniel. Also Olivia.

When they walked in, the first thing I noticed: she was dressed... barely. Even though it was barely 50 degrees outside, she had on short shorts and a tank top. I was chilly in my jeans and a tee shirt, so I knew that she had to be freezing. She also had on a metric ton of eye shadow.

Now, I resolved not to give any snap judgements, but GOODNESS she was making it hard. I was perfectly nice though, and witty, and charming, just as usual because that's what I do.

Of course, it got really hard not to give over to the nausea when I saw them interacting and it became obvious that they have feelings for each other, or at the very least wanted to bone. When we got into the theatre, and they decided not to sit with our group, I ended up having to leave for a second and went into the bathroom to dry heave and give myself a pep talk.

Luckily, the movie was awesome enough that I could focus on that and not on the overwhelming sadness that made my stomach twist for the entire duration. Afterwards, I didn't have to talk to them again. Their car was in the opposite direction of mine, so we went out separate ways. Daniel did turn to wave, but I whipped around without acknowledging him because I just couldn't right then.

The worse news:

Today, Patrick told me that he talked to Daniel. And Daniel says that he's in love with Olivia. Figured it out like three weeks ago. That is also known as right after we stopped dating.

To my credit and unutterable relief, I did not cry. I did not vomit. I went into a sort of shock, and even though I felt nauseated again and my chest felt too tight, I didn't flip out.

There's no reason to. If he cares about her that much, that's great. It's not like I want him to be alone for the rest of his life just because he didn't want me. Even though it hurts to still have feelings for him that I know now will never, ever be reciprocated and that they're with a girl that I was pretty suspicious of before, I can move on a bit easier now.

The biggest problem I have is that he continued to say he likes me even after "figuring out" that he loves her. Why in the fuck would you say that to someone you know is trying to get over you when you, uhm, DON'T? But Daniel's known for lying to try to spare someone's feelings or to make them feel less awful, so I suppose I do know the answer.

He still claims to care about me and my feelings, but I'm shrugging that off. I don't think it's likely he thinks about me unless he's forced to. If he does, that's dandy. If he doesn't, that's dandy too. Because it doesn't MATTER either way. He's not going to be in my life and he's not important to who I am. He taught me a lesson that I needed to learn: You can't make someone care about you more than they do, and if they don't care about you enough, move on.

I think it's funny that a couple people who met Olivia last night say that she didn't seem as smart as me, or as pretty. And that I was too good for Daniel anyway. Whether the first is true: no clue. I didn't talk with her enough to get a solid reading on her intelligence. She didn't seem stupid, at the least. As to the second: well, she's not ugly. Perhaps if she had worn less make-up I could have had a clearer idea, but as it stands, she just seems... normal. For the last: of course I'm inclined to think that I AM too good for him. Whether or not that's true is another story.

All in all, I hope things work out between Daniel and Olivia. They have things in their way, and it's not likely that things WILL work out, but hey. To feel secure in my goodness I must at least offer hope their way.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. I'm hurting a little, but growing more and more apathetic as the day goes on. We'll see how I'm doing when I cut out the lights, curl up with my cat and my triceratops, and try to go to sleep. Hopefully this trend will continue, and soon I won't give a damn if Daniel's having wall sex or regular sex with Olivia when they're living together.

UPDATED

Last night as I lay in bed, I didn't feel sad or upset. So that's an improvement. However, I did remember a few things that I forgot to put in here.

Though Olivia seemed nice, she does sort of seem like a bad influence. She's only 19, but talks about drinking... a lot. Now, she could have been just putting up a front because, you know, she's 19. But I don't think she was. At one point, when it was mentioned that my coworker Jamie had quit drinking, she turned to Daniel and said, "Don't ever let me quit drinking." I don't remember hearing his response to that, but it definitely threw me off-kilter.

Also, I find it kind of amusing that she displays some of the qualities he said he doesn't want. Well, I can only think of one right now and that's the make-up thing. But still. 'Tis amusing, that is.

My momma thinks he's interested in her because she's a "bad girl", what with the drinking and the less-than-appropriate-for-the-weather clothing and all the make-up. I don't know. I don't really care.

Well, I have to go mow the lawn and pick up pine cones and then treat myself to some free Chick-fil-A because I traded coupons for bowling last night. If I think of anything else, which is entirely plausible, I will return. UNTIL THEN, GOOD SIRS AND MADAMS.