Annoying? Me? Never!

I'm sure you all thought this Josh/Daniel stuff was behind us. I thought it was. BUT NO. Well, actually, it sort of is. Just not all the way. Like, it's 3/4 of the way behind us.

So. Last night I got to see Patrick. I'm sure you don't remember me saying that he'd been detained. If you do, kudos to you for being a critical reader! Anyway. He's got a court date in September, and is out on bail now. He came by work last night to help with something, and then go to the bar with everyone. I went as well, though I didn't drink. I AM under age, after all.

Well, it came up that he still talks to both Josh and Daniel. I do not. Naturally, I asked if Daniel had mentioned me being a bit crazy, what with letter-writing and telling him about the nightmare I had. Patrick laughed and said that he had said something about it.

Daniel got my letter. He erroneously said that it was written on My Little Pony stationery. WRONG. It's rainbow-unicorn-carousel stationery. Then he read it to both Josh and Patrick. Well. That's something a GIRL would do. Boys, though, had a little bit more decorum than that, or so I thought. I figured that if he got it he would TELL them about it, but I didn't think he'd READ it to them. Of course, I can't really remember what it said (having written it under the influence of some very heavy pain medications). So there's a 50/50 shot of it being embarrassing.

Along with this, Patrick told me that there's no chance of Daniel and I being friends. He's not going to be a jerk or anything, but he'll only be around me if Patrick and/or Josh is there.

Now, that's fine with me. He could've just said that. Instead he went with the "we can't be friends because it hurts Josh" line, which is infinitely worse. That leaves me thinking that we would be friends under normal circumstances, which makes me sad. Telling me, "Hey, yeah, I don't want to be friends with you, no offense. I just find you a bit annoying" is much better. I've been hearing that for years. That's something that I'd just shrug off and say, "Oh well, your loss."

Yeah. You read that right. Daniel thinks I'm annoying. I've heard that from several people; mostly people who I don't like anyway, and who have no real sense of humour. I thought Daniel was a bit more like me and the people I hang out with. Oh well, I can't be right all of the time. Of course, I'm not sure where I was annoying, except in the last few times I tried to talk to him. Except for the very last time, I was flying high on hydrocodone-acetaminophen. Considering we'd talked about it before, he knows that I'm an extreme lightweight when it comes to drugs. Before I pass out, I get incredibly stupid.

The very last time, HE texted ME first. True, it was apparently a resend that wasn't supposed to get sent, but still. I didn't initiate it. So unless he finds my very verbose style of talking/texting annoying, there was nothing about it that was irksome.

But really, I'm not upset. More irritated than anything. Irritated because he wouldn't just TELL me, and was willing to let me go on thinking that he wants to be friends but won't be. I like straightforwardness. After all, I'm straightforward. The one time I wasn't (which was this whole debacle with Josh), it blew up in my face and I learned my lesson.

Krystal thinks that Daniel's being ridiculous, and DOES like me. She had this plan to show up at his house and make him talk to me, but I told her that it wasn't going to happen. She gets a little overzealous sometimes, you know. Plus she's a total creeper. Anyway. She thinks that I could break him; get him to admit that he has feelings for me, or at least finds me attractive. As much fun as THAT would be, I'd really rather not push the creepy slut envelope.

Patrick also thinks that Daniel may have some feelings for me. His theory is that when Josh became serious about me, Daniel turned me into a no-no for himself, and won't let himself like me even in friendship. However, Patrick also admits that he doesn't know Daniel as well as he knows Josh, so he could be reading everything completely wrong.

I'm trying not to care, and it's getting easier. I don't feel sad or upset, and I'm actually sort of glad that all of this is at an end and that I won't be thinking about Daniel any more. Knowing that he doesn't want to even be friends and thinks I'm annoying really helped to quash all the little stupid fantasies I had about him showing up at my house to declare his infatuation for me.

Anyway. That's all for now. If anything else comes up, you're sure to hear about it :)

Oh!

There's a really cute waiter at Olive Garden. He flirts with me, and gives me extra bread-sticks and mints. His name is Bobby, or Robert when he's being a big boy. He even told me when he usually works so that I can request him whenever I go in. Of course, I don't really see anything coming from this. He seems a bit old for me (probably in his mid twenties), and besides, he probably flirts with all the pretty girls so he can get better tips. True, he flirted even when he wasn't my waiter, but still.

That Goddamn Hufflepuff Really Doesn't Know Much About Slytherins

David has struck again, and honestly, I don't know what makes him think he's so special and great that he can say such inane, rude things without anyone calling him out on it. Here, let me type out the entire conversation on Facebook, with all mistakes and such remaining. And no, this was not in a personal message. All of this was on my status, which read, "That awkward moment when your self-defense teacher looks at you and asks very seriously, 'Are you sure you're not so clumsy it's considered disabled?'"

Hufflepuff (David): how are you going to do self defence if your disabled? lol

Slytherin (Me): Well, one of the moves we learned yesterday is all focused stumbling, which I'm pretty damn good at.

Hufflepuff: ....isn't your normal aggressive attitude enough of a self defense?

Slytherin: Usually. This is for if I'm in a dark alley (don't ask me why I'm there, I don't know either) and the other person attacks before realizing that I'm quite possibly part demon.

(Note that thus far, we're both polite and such. Don't worry, it'll change soon.)

Hufflepuff: Usually that other person has a: knife, trazer, gun,.pepper spray, or superior training. All of which you should just run from. Not stay and fight.

(Notice now that he's doing what he always does, which is assume that he knows everything and whomever he's speaking to is a complete moron and knows nothing.)

Slytherin: ‎1) We WILL be learning how to disarm people, 2) pepper spray doesn't work on me; it's like I got sprayed with water, 3) if he grabs me, it's not like I can run away so knowing how to break his knee/jaw is pretty damn useful. This isn't for attacking someone, it's for DEFENSE. Thus the name.

Hufflepuff: Yet I'm gonna bet your going to use it as an offense any way. Lets put that pepper spray to the test. I'll bring some opsicum capsicum spray to church. (o.c. Spray). You may be learning how to disarm someone. But anyone with a gun, knife would have you dead to rights. Any trained knife fighter knows what to do. -_- I'm all for spraying you with o.c. Spray though. n.n

Slytherin:  I'm sure you are -_- And yes, most people who attack others in a dark alley know EXACTLY what they are doing. NOT. And I've never heard the phrase "dead to rights". Why can't I be dead to lefts, or dead to wrongs? So discriminatory.

(See, even after he's a jerk and slightly threatening, I make jokes. It's what I do. It's endearing to most people, or rather people with any sense.)

Hufflepuff: .............so Ill spray you on sunday? oh and your going to have to sign a nondisclosure agreement and a couple other things that mean you cant sue me or harm me in retaliation

Slytherin: I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt you can have such documents ready by Sunday and have them both checked for grammar (any mistakes and the agreement is void, because that's how I roll) and loop-hole free. So alas, I'm going to have to turn down your offer.

Hufflepuff: -_- I find it easy to write legally binding documents.

Slytherin: Please demonstrate this on Sunday. I'd love to see how you manage it. I'll be sure to bring highlighters and a red pen.

(You can tell that my sarcasm and snarkiness are becoming a bit more strained as he irritates the hell out of me.)

Hufflepuff: I have oc spray available. The document doesn't need to be long. Just needs to express that you complied with any of the following proceedings up to and including the exposure to oc spray. And that in no way will I be reprimanded for my actions.and hereafter any physical affront made by you will be responded to in like kind and strength with disregard to any preceding events. and that was on a mobile phone :) get owned.

Slytherin: If you put all of that into writing, it still wouldn't be a legal document. Sorry. Oh, and there were grammar mistakes, so I would have to void it even if it were. Plus, you had statements that contradicted each other. Thus, I think it shall be you getting owned.

Hufflepuff: a mobile phone without spell check or grammer check. I was going for phrasing not validity. Your a bitch btw. Just thought you should know. You make Gregory House look like a nice man. and by the way my statement didnt contradict itself. I ...just made it clear that I wouldnt take into account that I had sprayed you with O.C. spray. Just respond in the same way as anyone who was getting assaulted by a vertically challenged individual that thinks they can get away with hitting people without retribution

And that is the end of our conversation. Other people commented, but they're not who we're here to talk about. So yeah. I'm incensed that he would call me a bitch in front of my friends on Facebook. That's just trashy. I don't do that to people, so they should not do that to me.

Am I wrong here? Did I say something completely awful that merited getting called a bitch? I don't think so, and neither does the neutral first party I asked.

So now, I am no longer Facebook friends with David, and I have blocked him. You should all be proud of me for not going off on him and remaining very cordial in a message telling him that I don't appreciate such words bandied about on my Facebook, and if he feels that way then there is no reason for us to remain friends.

Hatred Isn't Just for Slytherins and Gryffindors Anymore. Apparently Even Hufflepuffs Have the Mental Capacity for it.

There are some people in this world I just can't stand. Like the ones with the voice and faces from some place worse than Hell. But some people have a personality that makes it really difficult for me to remember everything I learned at anger management. Once again I find I need to create that rabid dog, spork, flamethrower hybrid so that I can inflict maximum pain and suffering.

David, a boy from my church, is certainly someone I have never been, am not, and could never be friends with. And yet we pretend to be, even going to the extent of being friends on Facebook. Don't worry, I'm really horrible to him so that everyone knows I don't really tolerate him, but sometimes it's very confusing as to why he even friended me in the first place. He hates me. I hate him. You'd think it'd be simple.

For some reason, we have never been friends. Even when we were in middle school, I just found something about him off-putting. I wasn't MEAN to him, but I didn't go out of my way to bake him cookies or anything. Krystal always thought he had a crush on me, and maybe that's where all this repressed rage is coming from. Cuz seriously, this guy needs to take a chill pill. I've met wet cats nicer than this guy.

As we got older, his longing for my attention grew into something much worse. David hated me. Hates me. I can't make a joke without him cursing at me, or calling me names, or saying something very offensive. Mostly I just laugh at him, because that seems to make him angrier and I'm all for making people upset. Occasionally, though, he legitimately worries me. Like once he sent me a message calling me a female dog and telling me that if I ever went near him he'd break my nose. As if I'd want to come within three feet of him. He looks like Robert Pattinson, and that's just icky.

Obviously, David and I were never meant to be anything more than acquaintances. We can't spend ten minutes together before one of us is scowling and saying things like "I wish a velociraptor would eat your face." Okay, that's me. He's not cool enough to think about using velociraptors as weapons.

Anyway, what brought this on was a VERY nasty comment he left on Facebook today. I had found this hilarious video about the Hogwarts Houses, and how Hufflepuff is kind of dumb (no offense to any Hufflepuffs out there. I'm a Slytherin, I have to be mean). As David is proud of looking like Robert Pattinson (I have no idea why, like I said, icky), he claims to be a Hufflepuff just like Cedric Diggory. As we hadn't been fighting at all, and he's one of the two people who actually wants to be a Hufflpuff, I put the link on his wall and told him he'd probably hate it. You know, as a joke. Because that's what people do on Facebook. They post videos and comments on other people's walls as jokes.

Well, he reacted somewhat normally. He posted on my wall that she is blonde, so it's not the same and doesn't count against Hufflepuffs. I posted on HIS wall that she quite OBVIOUSLY was wearing a wig. Or that she had messed up in Charms, which wouldn't be surprising, because she's a Hufflepuff and we all know Hufflepuffs are only good finders.

This, apparently, was the wrong thing to say. David replied with "f u c k y o u whats it matter? huh? it doesnt." Obviously seperating the letters in "fuck you" makes it less offensive. Or maybe more offensive. It's really ambiguous, and I don't want to ask just in case that makes him say something else with weird spacing. It's as if he thought I was being serious, which is just plain ridiculous as anyone who's known me for at least five minutes knows I'm very rarely serious.

I don't know, guys. Should I be all angry and say "well d a m n y ou because I h a t e y o u" to show him that two can play at this game? Maybe. But I've already told him that he needs to simmer and that I've created this invention called a joke, and you're not supposed to take me seriously. I guess we'll see how THAT goes over. Though I'm kind of curious as to what the adults we're mutually friends with will say when they see this. If they do, that is. I don't know how often they creep on his page.

Pretty much this just means that if you have no sense of humour and an exorbitant amount of rage, you shouldn't talk to me. I'll just make you incapable of saying mean things with regular spacing. Nobody wants that.

PS. Apparently velociraptor isn't a word and should be velocipede instead. I don't even know what that MEANS. And I read the dictionary regularly.

UPDATE: Apparently my jokes are immature and make me look like a b i t c h (he didn't spell it like that this time, but hey, it's all about consistency), and they're annoying. You would've thought someone would have told me by now. Which is what I said to him. He just said that because we haven't talked about Harry Potter for months, it's not funny anymore. Uhm, what? Harry Potter jokes are ALWAYS funny. Though I've apparently made it "unfunny" which is even more ridiculous because everyone knows I'm freaking hysterical. And I've "worn his patience thin" which makes him sound like a middle aged man.

UPDATE: Any Hufflepuffs I may have offended, I'm sorry. I know 99% of you aren't like this guy. I know like two (maybe more, it's not like I keep track) of you that are actually really nice and great. For Hufflepuffs, anyway.

Your Face/Voice Makes Me Want to Kill Something. Preferably You.

Some people just get on my nerves. It could be that their face just makes my brain think, "I HATE YOU FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON," or it could be that their voice makes me think, "IF YOU KEEP TALKING I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH SPORKS UNTIL YOU DIE." Whatever the reason, some people just shouldn't be around me for their own safety. After all, you can find a spork pretty much anywhere.

One boy in my chemistry class junior year was a prime example of the first reason for immediate, uncontrollable hatred and rage. It's not that he was ugly, or had a lazy eye, or anything distinctly hate-able about his face. But every time I looked at this kid's face, I wanted to a) scream, b) stab him in the face with sporks, c) look away and sneer condescendingly, or d) all of the above. His name was Brandon, but he got on my nerves so much that I decided to call him Beatrice. As a fairly insecure male, he felt emasculated by this, even though he should have been honored. Ten points to Slytherin.

Eventually, his personality proved to be just as irritating. Even though I said horrid things to him that probably shouldn't be said to anyone for fear of making them suicidal, he insisted on speaking to me. He also insisted on trying to hit on me. No matter how many times I told him that he was beneath my notice and I had no desire to date a girl, he KEPT. ON. ASKING.

Thankfully, the class ended and I never had to see him again. I've heard, though, that a variety of other people also call him Beatrice, and that when called such, he twitches. Perhaps I've given him a psychological disorder. That would make me feel really accomplished. Plus, after I finish this introductory psychology course, I'll be able to cure him.

The epitome of the second reason for homicidal tendencies can be found in Jennifer. She went to my high school, and GUESS WHAT? She's also in my introductory psych class. Every time she opens her mouth (which is approximately every .0000001 seconds), I get the urge to find a spork. Or a flame thrower. Or a rabid dog. Or all three. Possibly a hybrid.

In high school, she wasn't popular. At all. People would form a blockade in the hallway just to stop her from going to class, or trip her, or snicker meanly behind her back. I felt bad for her. No one deserves that, I thought. And then I met her. She wouldn't shut up.  With a voice like hers, all you want to do is pull your own ears off just to make it stop. Jennifer kind of sounds like a French person with a severe speech impediment and no knowledge of how loud she is or how much her voice makes people want to murder her. To make things just so much more fun, she's also one of those people who has to comment on EVERYTHING.

So the moral of the story: if you have a face that makes people hate you upon sight, or your voice makes baby birds and fairies die upon you opening your mouth, STAY AWAY FROM ME. I cannot be held responsible for what I do or say.