10 Reasons I Nearly Stab People at Work

I work as a birthday party host at the local bowling alley. Usually, this is a fairly easy, stress-free job. However, I have a list of things that would make everything a lot better for all of us.

1) SHOW UP.

2) When you show up, don't say "We've changed our minds, we're just going to bowl. No party. You can go."

3) Show up ON TIME. I can't change the time the lanes turn on for you. You get two hours. If you're scheduled for 6, your lanes turn off at 8, even if you show up at 7.

4) I'm aware you think I'm a babysitter. I'm not. You see, I have to get you food, shoes, balls, and anything else you fancy at any time. This doesn't leave me time to stop your child from getting the notion to throw five balls down a lane at one time.

5) Kids, grow a brain. If the sweep is down, YOU CAN'T THROW A BALL. IT WILL BOUNCE BACK. And then I have to go get it, and you get the clever idea of throwing yet ANOTHER ball and nearly killing me.

6) If I mess up an additional order of yours, tell me IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait until it's been eaten almost entirely. I can't do anything at that point. You ate it, you pay for it.

7) At the end of the party, it's polite to tip me. I've pretty much been your slave for the past two hours. Longer than that, actually. I come an hour early to set up, and I'll be staying at least another thirty minutes to clean up. So yeah, I'd like a little something. But when you won't give me even the thirty cents change you get when you pay your bill, it's a slap in the face.

8) Realize I can't do five hundred things at once. If I'm refilling a pitcher for you, I can't rescue that ball your idiot child somehow managed to get in between the gutter and the bumper. So don't get an attitude with me over it. I'm only one person, trying to watch 10+ kids and their adults, plus get everything you need.

9) Kids, don't talk back to me. I'm definitely older than you, and if you mouth off I will take you aside and let you know it's not acceptable. You keep acting up, and I'll cut your lanes off. That's my perogative. Management won't care if your parents complain, because once I tell them you were acting like ignorant fools, they'll take my side.

10) That's it. I have nothing else. I just like numbers that end in five and zero. It's a little bit like OCD.