It's true. No matter who you are, the second you get on Facebook, you lose all semblance of dignity. Some are more obvious about it than others. Some keep it confined to private messages and chats. I am most certainly the latter.
Really, I need to work on my impulse control. As I don't have any whatsoever. This usually only creates a problem with people who have anger issues like David or people who are overly sensitive. Unfortunately, this has now permeated into causing me trouble with Corin. If you don't know who Corin is, go here. Educate yourself on my idiocy, so that when you return you know exactly why I shouldn't be allowed on Facebook.
On Saturday, Corin and I hung out. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Perhaps I'd find him repulsive in person, and there would no longer be any drama. Obviously I was already well down the Road of Inanity. We had a magnificent time, and what with his knee and face touching, I came away even more infatuated than before. Because I'm a stupid girl with stupid feelings, and really it would better if I didn't have any.
We didn't really talk the next day, which kind of bothered me, because what if he didn't have as much fun as I did and no longer felt anything for me? I'd already had to deal with that with Jackson, my ex who is now engaged to another girl. With Jackson, after our first official date, he changed his mind and said he no longer liked me. He then changed his mind again, and I let him. That will NOT happen again, because I don't fall for things twice.
Anyway. So I was worried that he would be all "Eh" about me now, so I started thinking about the entire situation. Anyone who knows me realizes that this can only lead to worse things. And it did. Giant Adult said some things that really struck home. Corin couldn't possibly care about me all that much, as he DOES have a girlfriend who he won't tell about me, and he doesn't want to be with me enough to leave her. I'm essentially a mistress, which I was hoping so much to avoid.
Last night, I told Corin that I probably shouldn't continue talking to him or seeing him or have anything to do with him. Admittedly I did mention that the chances of me following up on that are slim to none, as I have no impulse control and I do what I want when I want. In my long message, I also said he should at least tell Juliet that he has/d feelings for another girl. Then I sent more messages that mentioned pictures of an octopus playing an organ, and I'm fairly certain he thinks I was drunk or high, but I really DO have a picture of an octopus playing an organ.
He still hasn't responded, which is making me stress out even more. More than likely I've come across as desperate and clingy, and he's feeling rather put out by it. Well. I'm quite used to men seeing the... extremity of my craziness and deciding that it's too much to put up with. Jackson did that too. It seems to me that when things get too difficult, men run away and want nothing to do with the girl causing all the issues.
Really, if Facebook didn't exist, none of this would have happened. I would be happily unaware of my attraction to Corin, I wouldn't have sent those messages and looked insane, and I wouldn't be spending every waking moment wondering if my status is cool enough.
I hate you, Facebook.
UPDATE: Corin and I are talking again, and I've figured out that all of my issues were based on other people's opinions. So I will continue talking to him and hanging out with him, regardless of my feelings, until I no longer want to. It's selfish and stupid, yes. But it's MY decision. And someday, this will make a great cautionary tale for my children.
NEWER UPDATE: Corin is in the wind (meaning he's hanging out with his girlfriend and not talking to me), and I've decided that I can't do this to Juliet. It would ruin my future career, as she has the same major as I and even goes to the same school I will be next year. So messing with her = not smart. Yes, I know, I keep going back and forth on this. In like three days there will probably be a newer newer update with me rescinding this decision as well. Here's hoping that doesn't happen!
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