Here is the final edition of Ugh Men. If I remember correctly, I left off talking about gremlins. And wanting a relationship despite the fact that one's not possible even if Corin broke up with his girlfriend (let's call her Juliet. Obviously I'm feeling very Shakespearean today).
Right now, the ball is in Corin's court. He can either lob it back, or he can catch it and never ever return it. As to which is better, I have no clue. Of course, if he sends it back, it could be a really angry serve or a gentle tap, and depending on which he chooses my reaction changes. It seems as though he's holding onto it, and it's making me nervous. I don't want to get beamed in the head. I've gotten enough head injuries, thanks. I'd call him to see what his plans are, so that I can evade if I have to, but I don't know his number and I don't want to call him while he's taking a shower or something and have to leave a message. I'm pretty bad at leaving messages, because I get distracted like halfway through and end up talking about bubbles.
It's not fair. Juliet is much prettier than I. She's got exotic good looks. You know, tan skin, raven hair, brown eyes. Me, I'm a pale brunette with really pretty eyes, but they can't compete by themselves against a whole package. Juliet is closer to his age, and much nicer than I am. As to why he likes me when he has a gorgeous, pleasant girl, I have no clue. It escapes me. He says it's a combination of things - she lives about 3.5 hours away most of the time, he has to watch his roommate be all gooey with a significant other, he loves arguing and no one but me really offers that, and his impulse control rivals mine in its nonexistence. Plus I'm a "bulls eye" to his personality and in all honesty I probably really am a sex druid.
The hardest part about all of this is wondering how to do the right thing without getting hurt. I've yet to figure anything out. Happiness in this case seems unattainable - even if I get him, I'll feel like I stole him, and not getting him will hurt pretty badly. Especially if he just stops being interested. Thinking of it actually makes my chest hurt. It's like Ron said in A Very Potter Musical: "When I think about her my chest hurts, and I just know it's her fault, that BITCH." Except Corin's a boy. But the sentiment is the same. This is why I hate emotions.
It's sort of like T.S. Eliot said in one of his many fawesome poems: "I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the doors of silent seas." With the horrific feelings that I shouldn't have, I would better look as a monster. Probably an underwater griffin, because they're vicious and dangerous and can go both onto land and sea. Corin feels bad for creating such angst, but really, if I were a better person this would be a non-issue. Ugh. 'Twere that I were a little more infallible. He says he really, really wants me to be happy, and he doesn't know why. Well, what would make me happy would probably make him unhappy, so I shan't give voice to it to him. I'm not so selfish - yet. I'm dangerously close, and I have to stop before I fall over the edge completely.
Well, I have no funny quips for the end here. Sorry. I'll go back to regularly scheduled sarcasm and cynicism by the end of the week, so no worries. No more seriousness for a while.
UPDATE: It's all good now. We've talked. So yay! Corin's staying with Juliet, and if I get to a point where I can't talk to him, he'll respect that. Also, he's going to stop saying things he shouldn't.